CONFESS

Shame. Shame. Shame.

The last line I threw away on Thursday’s Week 3 Wide Right pod was a cruel dagger that Dave quietly slipped in between the third and fourth rib…

“Yeah, I hate myself for that Steelers pick… I have to be honest.” – Rob V. End of Week 3 pod – tape still rolling after close of pod. That cut away line wasn’t supposed to be in the pod – it was just supposed to haunt my dreams.

Here’s a running internal dialogue during the course of Steelers vs. Eagles during the course of yesterday afternoon. VOICES (in my head) will be played by the imaginary dulcet tones of degenerate gamblers, Dave aka ‘Danger’ and Paul aka ‘The Choppah’.

Kick-off 4:30pm 25/09/2016

ME:   Here we go – Wentzylvania my ass – here’s where that country bumpkin finally gets a real Welcome to the NFL – Rook! Here comes the Harrison homecoming…

VOICES:   Yeah… But the Steelers always have that habit of reading their ‘Best in the League / Super Bowl Bound! press clippings on the way to overlooking a team they perceive as a softer opponent…

ME:   Shut-up you two – this ‘ginger’ kid locked himself in a gas station bathroom in New Jersey and might actually wear plaid underwear under his long johns. James Harrison is going to eat his liver! And Antonio Brown is about to ignite like Michael B. Jordan stuck in that border-line criminal Fantastic 4 movie.

VOICES:  Hmmmm… Missed FG to cap their opening drive – even Snoop Dogg gets a little nervous when he sees the sloppy Steelers show up early.

ME:   The kid’s ribs are probably still healing after barely even getting fanned on against the Bears and the Browns.

Half-time: Steelers 3 – Eagles 10

VOICES:  You know Tomlin is pulling the full “OMAR COMIN’!” His half-time rally speeches lost their potency sometime around the beginning of Obama’s first term…

ME:   This can’t be happening. In interviews Wentz has shown all the football smarts of Terry Bradshaw crossed with a lost puppy. The Eagles fans NEVER find happiness. Their collective fandom ceiling for joy is not getting kicked in the groin when they fall down drunk.

End of 3rd Quarter: Steelers 3 – Eagles 34

VOICES:  Have you no shame?!? … Close that In-game betting window – RIGHT NOW!

ME:   This can’t be happening… Are the Eagles a contender in the NFC? Is Jim Schwartz a defensive genius? This is the same guy that was nipping at Jimmy Harbaugh’s heels like a junk yard dog after that post game hand-shake fiasco just a few short years ago.

VOICES:  Vegas, baby. Vegas.

ME:  Bastards.

And… Scene.

I confess.  The Eagles are a legitimate contender in the NFC.

Now please excuse me while I go fantasize about what Mike Zimmer might do to the state of Wentzylvania with his fully healthy, re-contructed Purple People Eaters…

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